God, Part II

Yeah... I know.. a blatant ripoff of U2 song titles. Hey, the RIAA can kiss my butt! So anyways, Dave Robinson of Fraserview Church has made me realize that I'm not the only one feeling ambiguous about faith. This, of course, happened only after the non-causal relationship of a snowball finally flying through hell, and me emailing him and Dan, my pastor.

And there I was, all alone, thinking I was the only one... yeah.. it kinda makes me feel bad that there are others feeling the same thing, because I still believe that I can do better. I also feel bad about the way I was feeling because I thought I was the only one (I think I was being selfish with my feelings, in other words). Essentially, I agree with both Dan’s sermon and Dave’s email. One of Dan’s points about spiritual growth was about suffering, and how it helps us grow a lot.

Suffering in this case would be the problem with the fact that God and I haven’t been connecting. I’ve finally gotten around to asking the question of “Where are you, God?” No direct response, but I suspect He’s still around somewhere, but not directly intervening yet. This is due to a few insights I’ve gotten when calling out to God, and asking Him where He is. So, I guess He’s still there. These insights will be part of later posts.

Why am I not doing more to find God? I don’t know. I think God wants me to be alone from Him for a while, just to make me realize that without Him, things can get awful. I’ve been missing God (like… when someone misses a person when he/she is gone for a while). You can wonder why I’m not seeking God via the Holy Spirit, and all its manifestations as well. You see, I’m not into the Pentecostal thing of Spirit healings, tongues, etc. I’m not saying any of these things are bad, and in fact, I believe these are all cool things. Tongues is cool, since you’re speaking to God in a language that only you and God understand. Spirit healings are flippin’ cool because that’s God in action. How much cooler can it get?

However, I believe that we are living in a world that, for most of the time, forgets that there ever was a God, and once we’re out of the Pentecostal/Charismatic services, we’re in a desert-world. My friend calls this the “mundane” and I think it’s a pretty good descriptor of what the world is like: a mundane place. Most people get freaked out when they see some Christian babbling in tongues, or see TV preachers laying hands on people and having people get knocked down. It used to freak me out too. Therefore, I chose to live in the mundane world as well, seeing that it might help me connect with God in a way that non-believers, or people that are just curious as to what we’re about, can accept more easily (not that faith is an easy thing to do).

So far.. I’m pretty sure God’s out there, and I’m sure He’s still watching my six, and working in the background without informing me. Thanks, God, and I guess I have to look harder for You.